Mats Wolf

Dating Advice / dating coach / daygame / Seduction / simple pickup / social dynamics

How to become an alpha male

Let me first share a story of my school time about an alpha guy:

When I was 16 years old, I first remember an alpha male in High School. His name was Marc, he was about 170 cm (5′ 7”) tall, white as a cheese and freckle-faced. A skinny guy with curly brown hair, blue eyes and a sarcastic smile. Marc had average results in school, he was not good looking, neither was he a famous football player (as one of my classmates played in the German Bundesliga 1st Division) nor was he performing great in any other sport. He was always in a good mood and funny, mostly in a sarcastic way. It took me several years to realise why he was and I guess still is so successful with the opposite sex. I will tell you more about that later. In my school time most girls, especially the beautiful ones, naturally fell attractive to him.

I saw him dancing with several girls at one of our student partys, which took place four times a year in our school sports hall. He had some good dancing skills for a 16 year-old young guy in puberty. Most of my friends (me included) were highly focused on getting drunk to built up some confidence to talk to girls and ask them for a dance. Me and my friends were still virgins. He was not…

In contrast, Marc walked around like a little tiger in his hip-hop baggy pants, smooth and elegant with his sarcastic smile. Most important, he did not care about the opinion of other classmates. Those were the hip-hop and gangster rap days, when all guys were listening to Dr. Dre, Eminem and Master P and buying expensive FUBU baggy pants to be the ”cool guy”. Marc took no stock in brand-named clothes, he was more focused on having sex with girls. I remember him being the happiest student throughout school time.

He was not that typical alpha guy, like George Clooney or Brad Pitt. Marc was a natural alpha male and probably still too young to realise, why he hooked up with so many girls in school time. In my opinion, he had one thing which most of the girls find very attractive: charisma.


A perfect example of a beta guy: A nice guy, who is stuck in the friends zone with girls, chasing women, with no real sex life, therefore unhappy and (sub)consciously tired of being beta.

If you are a beta male, first of all don’t worry (nearly all men are beta) and continue reading. You have to change some characteristics and mindsets to become an alpha man. I will give you 5 simple steps how to become an alpha guy. It is easier than you might think! If you already are an alpha male, continue reading, as you can still improve your alpha-ness or can teach your friends how to become one.

Step 1: Check your Body language

It is very simole. Check yourself in the mirror and find out if you have a good posture or still have to work on it. I had a poor posture with a sway back and forward head as I spent too much time playing computer games. I started going to the gym and recommend to do sports. Train your muscles or go swimming, it is the best what you can do for a positive body language. Women will naturally feel attracted to you.


Step 2: Train your voice

Alpha Males have a confident and attractive voice. Instead of speaking fast and high (reflects nervousness and demanding something), better speak slow and low with a deeper voice (reflects confidence and giving value). I call it down talk instead of up talk. There are lots of ways to train your voice. Check out Wikihow: How to talk with a deeper voice Trust me in a conversation with a girl, a deeper voice will move mountains.

The first two steps are crucial and the most important for becoming an alpha male. Scientific studies have shown that we communicate about 90 % of our words through body language and voice tonality.

Step 3: Identify strengths & weaknesses

Alpha males know about their talents and they are ambitious men, who like to take on challenges. They see obstacles as opportunities and work hard on themselves every day. An alpha guy is driven by daily progress and optimism. Analyse your strengths and weaknesses, if you want to become an alpha male. The easiest and most effective way is doing a personal SWOT analysis, which includes also two further aspects, opportunities and threads. You can download a free worksheet here. I recommend you turn your threads into opportunities.

Step 4: Say no

If you are a yes-man, identify why you agree mostly with others. Is it because you want to have social recognition? Is it because you think, women will more likely feel attracted to you? Beautiful girls don’t like yes-man, because they get bored of them very quickly. They love men, who challenge them, who do not agree with their opinions, who have their opinion no matter what society says. By saying no and being honest, alpha men get social recognition naturally.

Remember Marc, the alpha guy from my school time. He did not care about the opinion of others. He did not wear fancy brand-named clothes, because everyone did. He was just happy following his goal to have sex with girls and experiencing himself.

Step 5: Be yourself

Respect and accept yourself. Be honest to yourself and don’t pretend to be someone else. People around you, will feel if you are dishonest and fake even if you are a good actor. Remember we communicate 90 percent of our words through body language and voice tonality. If your words are not congruent with who you are and what you believe in, women will realise it. Being yourself is the key to happiness and success. You will be more The personal SWOT analysis will help you to find out who you are. If you want to dig deeper, check out some daily meditation.

I will get in more detail on characteristics and behaviour of alpha males in another blog post about How to be an alpha male.

Dating Coach Mats Wolf

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